Oh, blimey! You’re nosier than a ferret in a sock drawer, aren’t you? Stop being a sticky beak and obsessing over what the Joneses are up to. Get your own marmalade out of the jar, love. Keep your proboscis firmly in your own affairs, unless you fancy ending up with a face like a smacked arse. Now, you’ve got a mate who’s been about as quiet as a mouse in slippers, haven’t you? Why not give them a bell or send them a cheeky text? Might as well, you’ve got nothing better to do than watch paint dry. Before you know it, you could be packing your smalls and heading off on an adventure. Now then, your lucky phrase for today is “Keep your knickers on!” It might not sound like much, but it’s better than a kick in the crotch. And trust me, with your luck, you’d need steel-toed boots for that. Just remember, sometimes the best way to avoid trouble is to keep your undergarments firmly in place. It’s a tip, a charm, and a lifesaving piece of advice all rolled into one. You’re welcome.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!