Listen here, you money-splashing numpty, stop chasing that personal high like a dog after a juicy bone and start giving a toss about your pennies, alright? You’re going to be kicking your own arse when you realise you’ve spent all your cash on something dafter than a chocolate teapot. You’ve been through more trials and tribulations than a one-legged man at a bum kicking contest, but cheer up, buttercup, the end is in sight. And here’s your lucky charm, a shiny penny. Hold onto it, will ya? It might teach you a thing or two about saving money. Plus, in a pinch, you can always use it to make a decision; heads you stop spending like a drunken sailor, tails you… well, just stop spending, alright?

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!