Blimey, it�s like a dodgy episode of EastEnders over here! Just you keep your eyes peeled, because you’re about to get chummy with some bloke or bird you’ve been nodding at every day like one of those dashboard dogs. But now, you’re going for a proper chinwag, and bloody hell, it�s like peeling an onion, the layers just keep coming! They’ve got more hidden depths than a politician’s expense account. You’re hooked, you nosy git, and you’re gagging for the next instalment of their personal soap opera. Lucky charm: Don’t forget to keep an old horseshoe on hand. Not for any luck nonsense, but because if their stories get any more shocking, you might need it to knock yourself out!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!