Blimey mate, right now you’re about as exciting as a stale scone. Reckon it’s time you prised your arse away from your favourite armchair and got out for a jolly jaunt. There’s nothing like a bit of the great outdoors to blow the cobwebs off your dingy disposition. You’re like a stale biscuit dunked in lukewarm tea, you need a good shake up so you can realise there’s more to life than your dull as dishwater routine. The more you bend yourself out of shape, the more you’ll find things to tickle your fancy. Lucky charm? How about a four-leaf clover? Just don’t go sticking it up your arse for good luck, it’s not that kind of charm, you cheeky bugger!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!