Listen up, love. If you’re banking on your mate to bail you out just because they’ve chucked you a lifeline before, then you’re having a laugh. Gone are the days of counting on your pals to pull you out of a pickle. It’s about time you learnt to tread your own path, you lazy git. Start dreaming big, not just about the next pint at the pub. Lay down some proper goals, and for once, pretend you’ve got a backbone to achieve them. It’s high time you learnt to stand on your own two feet, instead of relying on others like a baby with a dirty nappy. And here’s your lucky charm – a pair of knickers. God knows, you’ll need it to pull yourself together. And remember, it’s not just for wearing – it’s for waving in the face of adversity and shouting, “I’m coming for you, you old bugger!” So, pull up your big girl panties, and get on with it.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!