Listen love, quit your incessant gabbing about your drama to some poor sod who’s about as ready to hear it as they are to have a colonoscopy with a rusty spoon. If you see a mate or a kin giving you the stink-eye, take the hint and put a sock in it. Spit out your thoughts like you’re feeding a baby bird, gentle and sweet, not like you’re hurling bricks at a stray cat. And for Pete’s sake, avoid words that make ’em feel guiltier than a fox in a hen house. Lucky phrase for the day: “Mum’s the word”. And by ‘Mum’, I don’t mean your poor old mother who has to put up with your constant nattering. No, I mean shut your trap, you’ll be surprised how luck shines on the silent.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!