Right, listen up, you scholarly wanker. You’ve got this knack for noticing things, like a bloody owl with a notebook, which is going to come in handy when you’re in the hot seat of an exam, test, or God forbid, another bloody job interview. You’ve got the brainpower to pull off anything you can think of, which is frankly a bit terrifying if you’ve got the imagination of a serial killer. Now, brace yourself for a gaggle of fascinating twits at some workshop or digital chinwag. Your life goals are about to do a 180, so prepare for some existential dread mixed with a touch of excitement. And here’s a little nugget for you – your lucky number’s 3. Don’t ask me why, it’s probably because you’re as odd as a three-legged dog. God help us all, if you start seeing that number everywhere, you might actually achieve something!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!