Blimey, there’s a right old ding-dong kicking off, ain’t there? It’s like trying to pick a favourite in the Great British Bake Off when they’ve all burnt their scones. If some nosy parker pokes their beak in asking for your two penn’orth, tell ’em to shove it. There’s more than one way to skin a cat, and they’d do well to remember that before they go jumping to conclusions. Some things take time, just like a good cuppa, or waiting for the bloody bus on a rainy Tuesday. Your lucky item for the day is a two-penny coin found on the pavement. Remember, find a penny, pick it up, and all day you’ll have… well, a dirty penny. But hey, it’s better than a kick in the teeth.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!