Crikey, brace yourself love, it’s all kicking off today and it ain’t stopping anytime soon. Some persistent git is eyeing you up like a fresh cream bun at the bakery and they won’t bugger off until you’ve given ’em a slice of your time. Meanwhile, your flatmate’s acting like a lost sheep in need of your sage advice. Best way to handle all this? Sneak around like a ninja in your own home, getting your stuff done whilst they’re none the wiser. As for your lucky charm, it’s the humble paperclip. Yes, you heard it right, a bloody paperclip. Because when your life’s as chaotic as a hen’s night in Blackpool, you never know when you’re gonna need to jimmy open a lock or hold your sanity together.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!