Blimey, you’re so full of love and generosity, it’s like you’ve been hit by Cupid’s steroid-infused arrow! Why not whisk your fancy pants off to their favourite chippy for a romantic candlelit dinner of fish and chips? That’s if they can handle the smell of vinegar and your charming company. And don’t forget that mate of yours who’s struggling with a problem so massive, even Einstein would’ve run a mile. Do them a favour and share your pearls of wisdom. But remember, your experiences of losing at bingo and arguing with pigeons might not be as enlightening as you think, but it sure will remind them that they’re not the only loon in the asylum. And here’s your lucky mantra: “I’m as lucky as a lottery winner with a horseshoe up their bum!” Repeat it at least ten times a day while hopping on one leg. It doesn’t guarantee good fortune, but it’s sure to amuse the neighbours.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!