You’re going to gab with a right muppet who’ll twist your melon so much, they’ll leave a mark deeper than the Queen’s handbag. You’ll find yourself tripping over their mind-boggling natter about the meaning of life, death and last night’s EastEnders episode. But don’t get your knickers in a twist, love, it’s all part of the circus. Now, when it comes to the daily grind, don’t rush it like a rat up a drainpipe. A cock-up even as tiny as a mouse’s whisper could create a kerfuffle bigger than Boris Johnson’s hair on a windy day. Lucky charm: A tardy turtle. ‘Cause remember, slow and steady wins the race, unless you’re in a bloody footrace, then you’re just buggered.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!