Blimey, you thought you were all set, didn’t you? Like a boy scout on steroids. But today, life’s decided to throw a spanner in your works and you’re gobsmacked, ain’t ya? However, every cloud has a silver lining, even if it’s as thin as your patience. This malarkey is going to show you who your real pals are. Keep an eye out for this one diamond geezer, who’ll be with you through thick and thin, like a bad rash that just won’t bugger off. You’ll be chuffed to bits with their pearls of wisdom, even though it’s as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit. And here’s your lucky charm: A four-leaf clover. You might think it’s as much use as a chocolate teapot, but who knows? It might just tip the scales in your favour. Or at least make your day a smidgen less crap.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!