Blimey, before you go gabbing on the dog and bone, take a tick and ponder the fact that the chinwag you’re about to bumble into could be stickier than a toffee pudding in July. If the other end of the line goes all sourpuss on you, don’t get your knickers in a twist about it. Everyone might be acting like a grumpy old sod today, but they’d say the same about you. It’s a ruddy minefield of cock-ups out there, misunderstandings thicker than a London fog! And talking about luck, your lucky charm seems to be a rubber duck. No, don’t laugh, I’m serious! Keep it in your pocket and give it a squeeze when things get tough. It’s just as useful as a chocolate teapot, but at least it won’t melt.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!