Recently, you’ve been frolicking in a romantic rodeo, like a randy rabbit on Red Bull, and blimey, today ain’t showing any signs of slowing down on the shagging front. Your other half has got a juicy surprise in store for you – and no, it’s not just another pair of socks from M&S. Make sure you repay the favour with some sweet nothings and a bit of how’s-your-father – it’ll make ’em feel right chuffed. It’s always nice to know you’re more than just a piece of meat to the people who’ve seen you in your birthday suit. Lucky tip: Always keep a rubber ducky in your pocket. You never know when you might need a squeaky distraction. But remember, it’s less ‘lucky charm’ and more ‘why the bloody hell do you have a duck in your pocket?’

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!