Crikey, you’ve had a right old morning of it, haven’t ya? Seems like the afternoon’s gearing up to be a repeat performance of the morning’s sodding nightmare. You’re sweating bullets over your other half’s mood swings, aren’t ya? Well, ease up, love. Your gaffer is taking this issue more seriously than a constipated bulldog, so that should take some of the pressure off your shoulders, shouldn’t it? Lucky charm: A rubber duck. Yes, you heard right, a bloody rubber duck. Apparently, they bring good luck or something. I don’t write these things, I just read ’em. So pop it in your pocket, take a deep breath and waddle through the day like a champ.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!