Oi, you cheeky so-and-so, you’re doing a blinding job of playing peek-a-boo with your snobbish vibes, and guess who’s the lucky recipient? Your chum or, God forbid, your other half. But let’s cut to the chase, you’re not really tired of their mug, you’re just gagging for a bit of how’s your father, something a bit spicy to tickle your taste buds. You’re not bored of sharing the telly remote, you’re just fed up with the same old, same old, day in day out. Now, don’t be a pillock and toss a long-term love into the bin for a quick roll in the hay. Lucky tip: Keep a packet of Polo mints handy. They can freshen up your life, and they’ve got a hole in the middle, just like your current existential plight. Right laugh, innit?

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!