Blimey, you’ve got a wee sprog in the family who’s about as steady as a jelly on a roller-coaster! If you’ve been roped into playing babysitter, mate, you’re going to need the vigilance of a hawk on steroids. You’d best grow some extra peepers on the back of your bonce if you want to keep up with this miniature calamity. And as for your love life, it’s about as stable as a three-legged donkey on an ice rink. It’s as rocky as a climber’s wet dream, I’m afraid. Good luck with that, you’ll need it. As for your lucky charm, it’s a four-leaf clover. Or if you’re too lazy to find one, just draw it on a piece of paper. Trust me, with your luck, you can’t tell the difference.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!