Right, pull up a pew and lend an ear, you’re in for a right giggle. This gig you’re at, it’s about as exciting as a damp tea bag, innit? You’re probably dreaming about being anywhere else, like a knitting circle or even having a root canal. Now, you’re feeling a bit off colour, aren’t you? Your body’s shouting at you louder than a cockney fishmonger. Here’s the prescription, darling. Let’s stuff your face with more fruit and veg than a hungry vegan at a farmer’s market. And water, love, drink it like it’s a pint on a hot summer day, ’cause your body’s thirstier than a sailor on shore leave. You might end up feeling better, or at least you’ll have an excuse when you’re spending more time on the loo than at your desk. And here’s a little nugget of wisdom for you, as random as a goat on a pogo stick: Your lucky number is seven. Why? ‘Cause it’s the only number that sounds like it could also be a posh butler. You know, “Severn, fetch my slippers!”. See, told you it was random!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!