Oi, listen up, you big lug. No matter how much you prance around like Mary Poppins on a sugar high, there’s always gonna be some miserable sod who wouldn’t know a good time if it slapped them in the face with a wet kipper. You’ll meet one of these miserable gits today, and you’re gonna have to swallow that ‘friendliest person in the world’ act for a bit. Try not to clobber them with your charm offensive, it’s like trying to teach a goldfish to tap dance. Lucky tidbit for the day: The number 7. It’s a bit like you, really. On its own, it’s harmless enough, but try multiplying it with itself and suddenly it’s a bloody nightmare. Much like you when you’ve had a few too many, innit?

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!