Blimey, you’re feeling as tied down as a nun in a bondage shop. That once titillating tether now feels tighter than a Tory’s budget. You’re eyeing up the other side, aren’t you? The grass seems greener, like a vegan’s dinner plate. But remember, love, it might just be astroturf. Don’t chuck a stable relationship into the bin like a half-eaten kebab for a one-night jolly. Lucky charm for you: A rusty horseshoe. Yeah, you heard it right. Just like your relationship, it might seem old and worn out, but hey, it’s still considered lucky, innit?

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!