Alright love, grab a cuppa and have a sit down, you’re in for a riot. Seems like you’re having a bit of a mare trying to suss out what really tickles your fancy, ain’t ya? Don’t get your knickers in a twist, you’re just having a wobble, no need to get your nose out of joint. And stop trying to keep up with those other tossers, just because they’re playing the game differently doesn’t mean you’ve got to jump on the bandwagon, you’re not a sheep, are ya? Besides, their methods are about as useful as a chocolate teapot. Look, we all have our off days, even the Queen needs a comfort loo roll every now and then. So, stop moping about like a wet weekend and remember all those times you were the dog’s bollocks, alright? Now, onto the fun stuff. You’re lucky phrase for the day is “Bob’s your uncle.” Don’t ask me why, it’s about as clear as mud, but apparently it’s got more luck in it than a black cat crossing your path. Just remember to use it sparingly or people might think you’ve gone totally crackers.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!