You’re off for a knees-up with the lads and lasses, right? Not just a few pints down the local, mind. This is a proper do where you’re about as likely to bump into a job offer as a drunk uncle at a wedding. Oh, you read that right. You’ll cop a part-time gig that’ll fill your pockets faster than a nimble-fingered pickpocket on the Northern Line. But don’t get too chuffed. The missus or some nosy relative will throw a wobbly, bleating on about how you’re out more often than the bins. As if they’re the Queen and you’re their loyal corgi, expected to be at their beck and call! And here’s your little lucky charm, darling. Your lucky phrase for the week is “Duck and Dive”. Pretty useful, especially when avoiding your partner’s nagging or that pesky debt collector. And remember, it’s all fun and games until someone loses an eye, so use it wisely, you cheeky sod!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!