You’re about as snug as a kipper in a matchbox, aren’t you? Ready to wriggle out of this bloody tight spot and launch yourself into uncharted waters. But watch your step, love. You’ve got a knack for stomping around like an elephant in a china shop, causing more destruction than a pub brawl on a Saturday night. Remember those nice folks who’ve been sweeter to you than a cup of tea with three sugars? They don’t deserve to be left in the lurch, like a jilted bride at the altar, while you gallivant off without so much as a ‘by your leave’. Here’s a bit of a giggle for you: Today, your lucky item is a left sock. Why the left one, you ask? Well, it’s just as clueless about where its partner’s run off to as you are about your next move. So grab that rogue sock and embrace your bewildering journey ahead.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!