Trust your belly’s jibber-jabber like it’s the bloody BBC. Keep your peepers peeled for those slight winks and nods from the people around you. It’s like a bloody pantomime, revealing who’s feeding you a load of codswallop or who’s as straight as a die. Even though all this emotional rubbish has you feeling like you’re up the creek without a paddle, it’s crucial to believe in your feelings, however much of a dog’s dinner they might be. Now, I don’t know about lucky charms or any of that glorified rabbit’s foot nonsense, but here’s a tip for you: keep a rubber duck in your pocket. Why? Because it’s as useful as a chocolate teapot, and it’ll remind you not to take life too seriously when it feels like you’ve stepped in doggy doo. Plus, it’ll make your trousers bulge in a funny place, and who doesn’t need a good laugh every now and then?

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!