Blimey, darling, you’re about to be up to your armpits in opportunities to spice up your life in the upcoming month. But don’t get your knickers in a twist, it’ll require more than a quick toss of a coin to figure out which road will lead you to the land of milk and honey. Prepare to be gobsmacked as there’s a cracking chance one of your dreams might actually stop being a lazy git and decide to come true. Shocking, I know – but don’t get too excited, we wouldn’t want you to wet your pants now, would we? And here’s a lucky tip for you: you’ve got as much chance of finding a unicorn in your garden as seeing your dream come true. So, keep a pair of rubber boots handy, darling, because when it rains unicorns, it pours.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!