People are bloody chuffed to have you in their corner. There’s this poor sod, right, who’s been through the wringer and it’s you, you plucky git, who’s been pulling them out of the poo. You might be a bit dim and not clocked how much your presence means to them, but let me tell you, you’re the silver lining in their cloud of cock-ups. Here’s your lucky charm, a four-leaf clover. Not that you need more luck, you jammy dodger. But it might help you avoid stepping in more shite.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!