Cor blimey, get ready for a right royal cock-up in your chinwags, mate. That gang you’ve been nattering with is about to undergo a Titanic-style break-up. The swiftness of it all will knock your knickers off, it will! So, put the kettle on, have a ponder about your tomorrows. Once you’ve got your ducks in a row, even if some wanker tries to convince you otherwise, stand your ground like a bulldog chewing a wasp, alright? And here’s a cheeky tip: Your lucky colour is “shocking pink”. Now, I’m not saying you’ll blend into the crowd wearing it, but at least you won’t get lost in a bloody snowstorm.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!