Always keep that noggin’ screwed on and your knickers untwisted, no matter where you’ve parked your arse. This caution flag keeps flying till the moon’s out, darling, as any ballsy moves you make could land you square in the doghouse. Those niggly bits that look as tricky as a one-legged man at an arse-kicking contest? They’re a piece of cake, luv, if you don’t lose your marbles. And here’s a cheeky tip for you, a lucky number – seven. Why? Because it’s the same number of gin and tonics I need to put up with your nonsense. Now, go out and make your own luck, darling!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!