You’re about to bump into a right oddball who’ll light your fuse faster than a chav in a Burberry shop. You’ll be so drawn in, you’ll think you’ve joined a cult! It’s going to feel as peculiar as a tea-less afternoon, and you’ll be left scratching your bonce about whether to leg it or stick around. Just take a deep breath, love, like you’re preparing for a foul whiff of a London tube during rush hour. If this madness is meant to be, it’ll be more stubborn than a pimple on prom night. As for your lucky charm, it’s a can of baked beans – because nothing says ‘good luck’ like a good old-fashioned British fart!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!