Well, don’t you just have a right royal pickle on your hands, mate? Trying to get along with your lot is like trying to herd cats, blindfolded, down a slide covered in porridge. You’re struggling to keep your cool, my darling, and who can blame you? If others are acting like a right bunch of muppets, don’t stoop to their level, love. You might as well try to teach a fish to ride a bicycle. Stay classy, even if they are acting like they’ve got a broomstick stuck where the sun doesn’t shine. Just keep your wits about you, and you’ll navigate this mess like a swan on a greased up slip-n-slide. And here’s your lucky nugget for the day: “A stitch in time saves nine.” It’s a bit of a naff phrase, but then again, so is your fashion sense. You might want to consider making “polka-dots” your lucky colour charm, love. It’ll distract people from the fact you can’t organise a piss-up in a brewery.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!