You’re the type to give away your last Rolo, aren’t ya? If there’s a soul out there in need, you’d sell your granny’s knickers to lend a helping hand. It’s a right proper laugh, watching you go all Florence Nightingale on those poor sods who can’t tell their elbow from their arsehole. Makes you all warm and fuzzy inside, doesn’t it? Just remember, love, life ain’t all about mopping up other people’s mess – sometimes you’ve got to let them wallow in their own filth to truly appreciate your good deeds. Oh, and here’s a little nugget of wisdom for you: “In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king.” But, you know, only if that one-eyed man isn’t a complete and utter muppet. Your lucky number this week is 7. Use it wisely, or you might just find yourself up the creek without a paddle, or worse…with a leaky rubber duck!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!