There’s more going on behind the scenes than a pantomime horse’s backside! Someone’s telling porkies and it ain’t the butcher, love. You’re as sharp as a tack, so keep those peepers peeled. You might think they’re being as open as a book, but I reckon they’re more closed than a nun’s knickers. Don’t be a mug. Stay on your toes, darling. And here’s a cheeky little nugget: your lucky charm is a rubber duck. Not very posh, I know, but it’ll keep you afloat when the shit hits the fan. And let’s face it, with your luck, that’s bound to happen sooner rather than later.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!