Brace your knickers for some titillating news about your clan or your pesky sprogs that’ll toss everyone into a right proper knees-up. By the Queen’s corgi, if you’re mucking about in the highfalutin world of ‘eaducation, scribbling books, prancing about on stage, or flogging stuff, there’s a whiff of blooming good news wafting towards you. It’ll get your future buzzing like a bee in a bonnet. You’ll be chuffed to bits and ready to blabber to every Tom, Dick and Harry! Lucky charm: A dinglehopper. Yes, you heard me right, a bloody dinglehopper. Because when life gives you lemons, you might as well comb your hair with a fork.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!