Right, you’ve got to keep that noggin of yours brimming with sunshine and rainbows, you miserable git, especially if you’ve got the audacity to entertain the thought of success. Look here, there might be moments today when it feels like Lady Luck has buggered off on a long vacation, leaving you in the cold. But odds are, you’re as good at interpreting signs as a drunken squirrel trying to solve a Rubik’s cube. Amazing things can occur in your life, but only if you’ve got enough balls to believe in your own bloomin’ self. Just don’t sprain anything patting yourself on the back, alright? Now, here’s your lucky charm: a four-leaf clover. Why? Because it seems you need all the help you can get, and it’s a whole lot more polite than suggesting you pull a rabbit’s foot out of your arse. Just remember not to swallow it, we don’t want to add a trip to A&E to your list of misfortunes.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!