Here’s your fortune, laced with more sass than a fishnet stocking at a burlesque show. People just can’t seem to keep their traps shut in a tense situation, can they? As if life wasn’t already a flaming circus, they’re there, flapping their gums like the wind’s going out of style. But you, my love, you’ve got the patience of a saint on sedatives. You’re the one who’s got to slather on the metaphorical olive oil on these choppy waters, like you’re prepping a bloody salad. As you soothe the storm, it’s like a two-for-one deal at the stress release spa – you get to chill out too. Here’s a cheeky tip for you: your lucky charm is a tube of lippy. Yes, you heard me right. If things get too heated, just whip it out and reapply. It’ll either distract them with its shine or scare them off with its audacity – either way, you’re in the clear!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!