Having a natter with your old mucker could take a bonkers turn quicker than a squirrel up a drainpipe. The ambience will flip faster than a pancake on Shrove Tuesday. You’ll be more gobsmacked than a nun in a brothel. Some moody bugger is throwing a wobbly, moping about like a teenager who’s just been told they can’t go to the disco. As for young Billy-no-mates, they’ll start gobbing off without a second thought. Lucky charm: A four-leaf clover. Stick it in your cap and you’ll be luckier than a dog with two tails. But remember, it’s about as much use as a chocolate teapot if you don’t actually put on the cap, you plonker!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!