You’re feeling as twitchy as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs, aren’t ya? You’re in such a fluster, you’re searching for some emotional titillation like a randy teenager at a nudist beach. All your usual humdrum is about as thrilling as watching paint dry on a wet Tuesday in Stoke. But hold onto your knickers, because with your gawping wide open for something new, you’re about to be as surprised as a nun in a sex shop. Brace yourself for fresh faces and shenanigans that’ll pop up like unexpected stiffies at a strip club. And for a lucky tip, try wearing a four-leaf clover in your hat. It might just up your luck… or at least give the pigeons something else to aim at.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!