Oi! Listen up, ya numpty. It looks like there’s a right royal kerfuffle brewing in your family, and you’re the poor sod stuck in the middle of it. It’s mostly the womenfolk causing the trouble – no surprise there, eh? You’re about as clear as a pea-souper fog to them, and they’re as baffling to you as a Geordie on a bender. Here’s a thought: stop faffing about and take a moment to actually talk to ’em. Tell ’em what you’re on about and make sure you work out what they’re jabbering about too. It’s like dealing with a flat tyre – better to patch it up early before it goes all pear-shaped and you’re stuck in the middle of nowhere with a spanner in your hand looking like a right pillock. Your lucky charm this week? A dictionary. Might help you make sense of the babble. And if it doesn’t, you can always chuck it at ’em. Just remember to duck afterwards.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!