Listen up, you lazy, green-eyed monsters out there! You think my life’s a bed of roses, while you’re stuck in a pile of manure. Well, let me break it down for you, sweetheart. My current state of affairs isn’t down to some fairy godmother waving her magic wand. It’s the sweat of my brow, darling. I’ve been grafting like a beaver on speed. You could try to grasp this simple concept, but I might as well be speaking to a brick wall. You, my dear, are as likely to change as a zebra losing its stripes. So, quit your moaning and get off your backside! Now, for your lucky charm: a four-leaf clover. But remember, it doesn’t come with a gardener to find it for you. So, you better get digging, lazybones!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!