Right, listen up, ducks. Your dosh and gaff are going to be the hot topic of chinwags today. So, you might want to tread like a cat on a hot tin roof, and consider zipping it before you spill the beans. Let’s face it, not everyone’s ready to hear your grandiose schemes, probably because they’re about as exciting as watching paint dry. But, it’s vital you let these numpties know you’re not having a laugh with your big ideas. Now here’s your lucky tip, mate: A cross-eyed pigeon. Why? Because even a bird with dodgy vision will still manage to crap on a newly washed car. Bet you can’t do that, eh?

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!