Darling, you can’t just sit around on your backside expecting sunshine and rainbows without lifting a finger. Effort, darling! Put in some sodding effort! You can’t just sit there like a lemon waiting for the world to bow at your feet. Buck up, sunshine, work a bit and maybe, just maybe, you’ll have a reason to pop the bubbly. But remember, if you don’t put in the graft, you’ll just be another couch potato, with nothing to show but crisp crumbs and a stale beer smell. For a lucky addition, try a four-leaf clover. It’s rumoured to bring good fortune to those who find it. But remember, you’ll have to get off your bum to find one, and that’s more effort than you’ve put in all month!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!