Well, darling, you’re chuffed to bits to dive headfirst into your list of chores, ain’t ya? Never been the sort to shy away from a bit of hard graft, have you? Though, let’s be honest, your brain’s about as useful as a chocolate teapot when it comes to waiting around. Prepare to twiddle your thumbs a bit, love, as delays are as inevitable as a dodgy curry after a night out. As for your money troubles, we’ll have a chinwag about that later, when the gin’s kicked in. Lucky tip for you: If you throw salt over your left shoulder, you’ll ward off evil spirits. But remember, darling, it won’t do anything for your high blood pressure. Maybe try putting it on your chips instead, eh?

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!