If you’ve been forced to shove your personal shenanigans on the back burner, now’s the bloody time to yank them back into the spotlight, sunshine! It’s high time you stopped being Mother Teresa and started being a bit more Kanye West – selfish! Now, there’s a right muppet in your life who’s flipping the script faster than a pancake on Shrove Tuesday. This numpty expects you to just nod along like a bobbing dog in the back of a Mini Cooper, but you tell them where to stick it if you’re not game! Here’s a lucky tip, my love: Your lucky number is 7, but don’t get too excited. It’s not like it’s going to turn you into a lottery winner overnight. More like the number of times you’ll hit the snooze button in the morning, lazy bones!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!