Listen up, sunshine, you’ve got a mate or a rellie who’s feeling as cheerful as a skunk in a perfume shop. They’re as miserable as a penguin in the Sahara and they’re in danger of dragging you down to their level. So, strap in, brace yourself, and prepare for a grumpiness contagion. Next, we’ve got a bit of the old romance department to discuss. Look sharp because your love life’s gone south faster than a pigeon with a GPS. That hot little romance or bosom buddy relationship has had the final curtain call and it’s not taking a bow, darling. It’s buggered off, legged it, left you in the dust. Still, you saw it coming, didn’t you? You had that feeling in your water, like a psychic kidney stone. But chin up, love. Get all philosophical about it. Think of it like a dodgy takeaway – it was fun while it lasted, gave you a bit of indigestion, and now it’s best forgotten. You’ve squeezed every last drop out of this relationship, like a miser with a tube of toothpaste. So, don’t dwell on it, move forward, and remember: every cloud has a silver lining, but some are just a bit more tarnished than others. Lucky for you, your charm for today is a pair of oversized sunglasses. Not just to protect you from the glare of your impending bright future, but also to hide those puffy eyes from all the crying. Plus, they make you look like a celebrity avoiding the paparazzi, which is always a hoot. So, keep your chin up and your shades on, darling. It’s all uphill from here… Wait, is that the right phrase? Ah, who gives a toss? It’s funny either way.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!