Listen up, you slippery eel, you’re about as elusive as a nun in a brothel, but if you want to keep your life as unknotted as the Queen’s garden hose, you might want to exercise a bit of caution and keep your peepers wide open. It’s all about preserving the balance, dearie, like a gin and tonic – too much of one and not enough of the other and you’re flat on your face. There’s someone in your gaff acting quieter than a mouse at a cat convention. Perhaps they’ve finally got the hint that their voice is more grating than a cheese grater on a chalkboard. On the bright side, their silence is as golden as a choccy biscuit, giving you the chance to ponder over new schemes and plots. Here’s a lucky phrase for you: “Keep your friends close and your gin closer.” It’s the perfect excuse when caught nursing a bottle at 11 in the morning. Remember, it’s always five o’clock somewhere, just not necessarily in your timezone.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!