Blimey! Do us a favour and get your act together, will ya? Everyone around you may seem as interested as a sloth on sedatives, but don’t get your knickers in a twist thinking it’s about you. You’re about as intriguing as a damp tea bag, darling. You’re after a life that’s more fulfilling than a Sunday roast, but first, you’ve got to stop wobbling like a jelly on a washing machine. Once you find your balance, you’ll start pulling in good times like a randy rabbit at a speed dating event. And here’s your little nugget of wisdom, your lucky charm if you will: “A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.” But let’s be honest, with your luck, you’d probably end up with a pigeon pooing in your hand.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!