Ditch any hope of others acting like Mother Teresa, mate, or you’ll find yourself more let down than a deflated bouncy castle at a kid’s party. Stop hanging onto the coattails of others like a needy koala, you lazy git. It’s time to put in a right shift and get your hands dirty. So, roll up your sleeves and make hay while the sun shines, don’t just sit on your arse waiting for a miracle to happen! Your lucky charm this week is a used tea bag. Yeah, you heard it right, a bloomin’ used tea bag. It’s about as useful as a chocolate teapot but hey, it’s what the stars are saying. And remember, if anyone asks, just claim it’s a hipster thing. They’ll be none the wiser.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!