Listen up, mate! You’re about as popular as a fart in a lift, and not because you’re a charmer. You’re getting invites left, right and centre like you’re the Queen Mum at a tea party, but let’s face it, you’d rather snuggle up with a bag of crisps and the telly than rub elbows with that lot. It’s time to take a butcher’s at what really gets your knickers in a twist and give the royal wave-off to the rest. No need to put on the dog, just tell ’em straight – you’re not their cup of tea. And here’s a golden nugget for you – your lucky charm is a pair of old socks. Don’t give me that look, love. With your luck, you’ll probably trip on a gold nugget while looking for a matching pair.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!