Sod the daily rat race and have a bit of a chinwag with yourself, you daft sod. It’s becoming bloody important to pay more attention to that airy-fairy side of yours. You’re in desperate need to clear out the clutter in your noggin to make room for a bit of soul-searching, you navel-gazing twonk. Get your head out of your arse and have a proper gander at your emotions, will you? And here’s a lucky tip for you – try wearing green knickers for a bit of luck. Mind you, I don’t guarantee they’ll cover up your apparent lack of common sense.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!