Blimey, you’re so full of yourself today, you’re practically bursting with puffed-up positivity and optimism. It’s like you’ve swallowed a bloody sunbeam mate! Honestly, you’re so sure you can conquer anything that comes your way, you’ll probably try to wrestle the next double-decker bus that passes. But for the love of the Queen’s corgis, keep your knickers on and use that rampant energy wisely. Don’t go trying to single-handedly solve world hunger or figure out why biscuits always break off in your tea. Now, for your lucky charm, it’s a rubber chicken. Why? Because nothing screams good luck like a squeaky toy that has seen more of the world in a lorry’s cab than you have in your entire life. Plus, it reminds you of your sense of humour – cheap and slightly unnerving.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!